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"Ah! This sack
contains the refreshing
drink I was talking about," said Cain. He untwisted the end of the bag,
upending it onto the table.
His father and
brother looked doubtful. "These are only coconuts," said Able.
"With dirt all over
them," frowned his
father, thinking of the hell he would catch if Eve were to find dirt on
her kitchen table.
"I had them buried in
the ground," replied
Cain. "You see, it is a new thing. I had a dream in which I saw a man
pouring sugar into a coconut, burying the nut in the ground for a time,
then drinking the juice."
The others were most
impressed, for the
people of Eden set great store by dreams, as they were thought to
convey the wisdom of the angels and God. "What else did you see in this
dream, son?" asked his father who lifted a nut and shook it.
"I saw the man drink deeply of the milk and
a bright glow appeared around his head, like unto the halo of an angel,
and the man became exceedingly joyful and began to sing."
"Of what did this man
sing, brother?" inquired Able, who was also
fingering and shaking the nuts.
"Oh, well, he sang of
hot sauce, women, the
glory of God, many things," said Cain shrugging his shoulders. "You
know, the things we esteem most in
life."
"Well son, it seems
an auspicious omen,"
said his father importantly. "I believe we should taste this new thing
you have created. As First Man, I
shall take the First Drink."
"Certainly, Father,"
Cain said with a sly
look. He had already shared this new beverage with several ladies
outside the Garden with pleasing results.
Adam unsealed one of
the largest nuts and
took a long draught. He
squeezed his eyes shut, twisted his lips and handed the nut to Able who
also guzzled a goodly portion of the fermented juice. Cain busily
opened another and began to drink as well.
"This new drink is
pleasant and refreshing," gasped Able. "Although it has a surprising
sting."
Adam invited the
other men to stop work and
join in. Cain had enough nuts for all the men of Eden to feel no pain.
When the women returned home, they were outraged that the manwork was
undone. Seeing Cain at the heart of the matter, they cussed him as a
bad seed.
Soon however the
wives sampled the new
drink. Before long everyone was lapping it up, including the Cold
Tongues and the first block party was in
full swing. When Able noticed another hog eating the pepper plants,
death visited Eden once again.
This time there were
no complaints, nor
fear. Everyone pitched in to create a new fire pit. Before night fall
they were basting the hog with various kinds of hot sauces and the
world's first barbecue had begun. They had a splendid time with much
singing and dancing. The people found that barbecued pig slathered with
generous helpings of hot sauce was better than the sweetest ambrosia.
The barbeque and drinking party lasted well into the next day, when the
men began to argue as to which hot sauces were best on pig. Much
discussion and fierce debate ensued.
Able and Cain were
particularly heated in
their disagreement, attempting to determine whether ketchup or mustard
based sauce was superior as a barbeque
condiment. Able spat on his brother and a grand battle ensued, abruptly
ending when Cain cracked Able's head with a hot, smoking hog shank.
Able fell like thunder to the ground. The revelers who were not passed
out looked on with amazement, for they thought Cain had killed Able.
Suddenly the earth
shook and the winds blew
hot and hard. The voice of the Lord was heard within the roar of the
winds. "That's the last straw! Out! All of you, out of the Garden! If
you can't behave yourselves, you shan't have the privileges of Eden any
further. This time its permanent! Let's see how you like it out there
in what your less privileged brethren refer to as the real world!"
Thus spaketh the Lord
and the winds blew
unbearably. All things were a-jumble and the people screamed in fear.
Willy-nilly each and every one was driven out of the Garden except for
those too drunk to walk. These the angels carried, dumping them with
satisfaction outside the gates.
The people didn't
know what to do. Many
felt they would be allowed back in before long, but a great angel with
a flaming sword guarded each of the
gates of Eden, and these celestial guardians assured the people there
was no way they were ever getting back in. "This is our turf now, you
scribbly humans," said the angels. "Its ours and we're not giving it
back by decree of the Lord Himself."
The people wailed
mightily for the living
had been easy within the Garden. Food was abundant and everyone free to
eat anything they liked. But outside there was less food, and people
had to do something called work, to earn their keep as the non-Garden
people rudely told them.
Personal property
also proved to be an
issue. In the Garden land had been enjoyed by all since everyone knew
the earth really belonged to God anyway. When the former inhabitants of
Eden began to take fruits and vegetables from privately owned land,
they were beaten and cast out. The Eden folk gathered some way outside
the unfriendly village to consider their options.
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Copyright © 2000 Michael H. Jackson.
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