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Now Cain was of the
Cold Tongues and had
been previously bereft of his lovely wife for a time as she sought a
man of the Big Fire Boys clan for love play. Cain was not only jealous
of other men but most mistrustful of all women.
He spoke to the women with spite in his
heart. "Do we not eat every day of the fruits, vegetables and grains?
Are they not the living gift of God?
Are your breakfast bananas not killed as you gobble them up?" He cried
aloud "Who among us has not heard the death rattle of broccoli plants
as we decapitate them for our evening meal?"
Suddenly there was a
blast of thunder and a
flash of lightning. The mighty voice of the Lord crushed the people to
the ground for He was exceedingly angry.
"Have you taken the place of God?" roared the Lord. "Are you now going
to bring death unto the world?"
The people quailed
before the wrath of God
but not so much so that many could not call out in loud voices that
Adam's family was responsible.
The Lord frowned and
questioned Adam.
"First Born, is this true? Is it true that you have destroyed the
Lord's creation without My permission?"
Adam hemmed and hawed
for a while.
Eventually he and Able let on that it was really Cain's doing in the
first place, which was not strictly true, for
although it was Cain's idea to make the sacrifice, no one knew exactly
who had slain the pig in the heat of the moment.
But Cain was greatly
reviled and the Lord
placed an onus upon him and caused the people to quail, for it seemed
the Lord placed a black mark upon Cain's face. The angels gave Cain the
bum's rush and out he went, cursing and protesting all the way. The
Lord gave the people a dressing down and reviled the burnt offering,
for it was not good in His eyes. Privately the Lord said to the angels
"Don't let Cain back in for a few days, we'll see if cooling his heels
outside the Garden will improve his attitude."
The men murmured and
shuffled about. Since
they loved the pig cooking idea they felt the Lord was reviling them as
He reviled the offering. The
women however were well pleased and they all said "I told you!"
The men muttered and
thought up clever
replies, but knowing better than to voice them, merely shuffled their
feet and felt obliged to assist with
the laundry and take out the trash. When they returned from garbage
detail, each man found his woman busy making long lists of manwork. The
men did not like this, some of them wished television would hurry up
and get invented, but it was a forlorn hope.
Meanwhile Cain was
gathering coconuts,
green drinking nuts with plenty of milk in them. He gathered several
dozen, knocked their eyes out, poured three ounces of sugar into each
and sealed the holes with wax. He buried the nuts and went to visit the
ladies of the villages outside the Garden as they stood about the fresh
water springs. He talked trash to them and they were handsomely taken
with him, for the Garden was the most exclusive subdivision on Earth,
and he was considered to be a worthy man by virtue of living in an
upscale neighborhood.
After a time the
angels came unto Cain.
"Thus saith the Lord, you may return to your former home and glory
provided that you do not seek to usurp the authority of the Lord ever
again."
Cain looked upon the
shining ones and said
"It was never my intention to outdo the Lord, I was merely using the
talents of wisdom and creativity that
He Himself gave me."
The angels did not
like his sneer nor his
lofty attitude, for some humans had come to regard angels as second
class since they had no free will, and
the head angel scowled upon Cain and said "You better watch your step
if you know what's good for you. We angels of the Lord are powerful in
His authority."
But Cain was not
afraid and gave them the
back of his hand. Some of the angels wished to teach him a lesson with
the Golden Rods of Chastisement, but the lead angel would not allow it.
Cain wiped the black
mark from his face, it
being merely soot from the pig roasting, and waltzed back into the
Garden and a new situation. The football fields were being used by
women for feminist rallies and tea parties. The menfolk were pretty
much under the thumbs of the ladies, carrying out garbage, attending to
lists of manwork, reading to the women at night (books of poetry, no
less) with a certain amount of time given to back rubbing and the like.
Cuddling was invented
at this time, meaning
cuddling with no sex. The men did not like it. They felt it was a cheat
and a tease, but they were still smarting from the rebuke of the Lord
and could not deny their women who felt that finally the right order of
things had been established. Secretly discontent and aching for manly
diversions, the men were ripe to fall from grace with the Lord.
As Cain entered Eden
he decided to drop in
on father Adam and brother Able. These he found doing manwork given
them by their respective wives. Cain looked about him at the work and
asked if this were the women's idea, why were they not pitching in and
doing their part. Able grimaced and murmured "They say God wants women
to make lists and we men to carry out any and all tasks set forth
thereon."
Adam grunted and
nodded.
Cain thought about
this for a time and
suggested "Why don't you two take a break? Let's get something
refreshing to drink."
"There is nothing
here," replied Adam glumly.
"But what have you in
the sack?" puzzled
Able, referring to the great sack hanging over Cain's shoulder.
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Copyright © 2000 Michael H. Jackson.
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